Bird Nest

Touch The Stars

Little Sparrow, looking up at the stars last night, said "Touch.The.Stars." and reached up with his hands.  His newest speech pattern is incredibly delightful.  He says each word with such intention and persistence and between each and every word is this grunt, an exclamation, a pause to request additional attention to each.and.every.word. 

We were at a bonfire party last night, a fundraiser for the outdoor waldorf school (that we no longer attend) and a live band played.  It was in a backyard in our neighborhood and we all settled into blankets on the grass to eat soup and bread and pizza under the autumn sky, listening to our friends play sweet music, and later watch the sweetest bonfire light up our faces.  A few marshmallows to sweeten the deal and then we popped back home for bed.  It was cold, and we got to snuggle into our warm weather clothes.

My heart yearns for more connections and community gatherings like this.  I mourn that it is so hard to find these moments, when I know they should be easy and many. 

The Autumn Winds Blow Open The Gate

The autumn winds have been blowing and blustering about as I find myself super charged to organize and redesign our living space, declutter and purge.  Our upstairs that goes empty most of the days has been restructured as the new craft and homeschool space.  It's still not a space that is infused with life, but I think it's a bit more inviting and certainly more pleasing to one obsessed with organizing craft and sewing supplies and yarn, too much yarn.

 

(The pictures above are of the unfinished school/play space, just outside on stair landing is a craft cabinet and tall chest of drawers filled with supplies.  We lazured the walls with stockmar paint and glazing material.  It's beautiful in the sunlight...)

This week we are finishing up by purging through the worn and torn summer clothes and bringing out our cold weather gear and all the woolens.  You would not believe how excited the boys are to pull out the woolens.

We celebrate the beginning of autumn with Michaelmas in our house.  Many songs and stories, and this year we sanded and beeswaxed the knight swords, dyed silk capes with calendula petals (and secretly a bit of stockmar paint to deepen the color!) and we honored the day by baking a harvest bread which included a story about St. Michael and the dragon and harvest.  This might be my favorite season, welcoming fall, preparing for the season.  Turning inwards, stashing away bits of sunlight and warmth and searching for the light within as the world around us grows darker.

 

 

Falling Through My Fingers

These days.  They keep sliding past, sifting through my hands, and I am barely able to notice them as they fall away.  It's been so hard to keep up with the present moment.  With both of us tag-teaming at home, it's been hard to even know what day it is.  Often I go half the day thinking it's another day then it actually is.  Maybe it doesn't matter.  Washing Day, Sweeping Day, Window Day.  The random shuffle button has been pushed and it's on repeat.

Mostly it's rosy.  Sunny.  Sweet white strawberries from the garden that taste of pineapple.  But I can also see old man depression hiding behind every leaf, behind the trees in the back, blowing through the wind.  I occasionally feel that twinge of fear creeping into my throat.  Thank goodness for the distraction of the little birdies.  Sparrow and Jbird can keep me dancing for hours, just long enough to miss the shadows lurking about.

Our Jbird turned five.  Here is a manic way too early morning photo - where jbird digs into his candy cake before the sun has even settled into the sky.  Yes, I decided five was an acceptable age to introduce a birthday cake covered in candy.  for breakfast.  why not?

 

And here is baby Sparrow.  Jbird dresses him up all the time to play knight, pirate, dragon, elves, etc.  Sparrow now enjoys digging into the dress up basket on his own.  When it's quiet, I will sneak into the children's room and find this going on:

I'm so forever behind.  It's been so hot hot hot.  My words have just melted away.  Perhaps next month I'll get around to sweeping up the melty mess.  I see structure and rhythm and normal days gathering ahead like a storm.

A Decade

I couldn't find a recent picture of Rooster and I - so the felted bunnies from Easter will have to do as a placeholder.  Cuter perhaps.
Today marks our tenth wedding anniversary and I'm speechless.  Fascinated that we have been on this ship for so long and that the waters have been so smooth and peaceful.  I can only hope that the next few decades are as wonderful as the first one.  I feel so blessed by the family we have created together.
I love you my Rooster Mr. Bunny.
xoxo

We'll Be Wearing Striped Pajamas When She Comes...

Ah.  Uhm... Did we just sleep through February?  Did time just melt away into the soggy, wet earth? 

We've been on our toes, waiting.  And waiting.  Waiting for call backs from job interviews.  Waiting for jobs to open up.  And more waiting.  But hallelujah, we might not be waiting too much longer based on a call Rooster got today.  Until we have a contract or paycheck, I'm just going to keep on waiting though.  She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes...

Meanwhile we had valentine's day, and my birthday and so many other days in between my last visit here to Birdnest.  I had 10 inches of hair lopped off.  The spring breezes are hitting my neck.  Jbird and I talk of Spring as if it's already been sprung.  We chatter like young squirrels.  The flowers and leaf buds are coming in.  The sun is coming back around.  The birds are out.  My little birds are growing like weeds.  Our garden needs mulch and weeding and new seeds.  I need to get going on new projects.  New knitting.  New quilting.  And a new banner for goodness sakes.

There were dark days.  My father had a stroke a few weeks back.  For a bit I thought I had lost him, or at least lost the chance to ever talk to him again (he couldn't talk or write at first.)  But he's on the mend, and re-learning and remembering and seems mostly back to himself.  Just another countless blessing to add to the heaping pile we have uncovered as of late.  My heart goes out to people who have experienced this loss.  It was such a relief to talk to him on the phone again.  

So, we are sweeping out the cobwebs.  Cracking open the earth.  Watching for green sprouts of joy and newness to come forth.

More Mud, Still Fine

Oh that banner photo up above is so old.  Has it really been that long since I've updated, that long since I've posted on the blog?  How did I fall so far behind?  That littlest bird placing his head in the oven has outgrown that shirt, has hair dropping to his shoulders, now walks more than he crawls...and still, my feet are dragging.  It is January and I'll try not to apologize much beyond that.  (the photo also makes me seriously miss our chairs, which were stashed in the basement when mr. sparrow decided he could not resist climbing on them and I still can't trust his balance.  ah, babyproofing by furniture removal - soon we will have none and our tiny house will be bare but the running birds flapping about.)

 

Rooster is back from interviews, and to be honest, yet again I feel that we are so incredibly blessed and lucky.  I don't see this turning out bad at all.  In fact, seems this might just be a short paid vacation and all will be back in place soon.  And yet, I also feel that even if not, even if we were to remain topsy-turvy, all would also be as it should be and "okay".  Maybe I'm just running overly optimistic and hopeful from the recent inauguration, or the sun that has been shining these past few days, or the coffee.

At Jbird's outdoor waldorf school, the large roof that covered the outdoor kitchen came tumbling down during the holiday snowpocalypse that hit Portland.  It was and still looks pretty devastating, to see the shingles and posts in piles next to the cob ovens.  The parents were concerned about the loss of protection, the shield from the elements.  And yet the children came back gleeful and trusting and immediately took to the change.  And now they huddle in a new space, in the trees, on a hill, with snack table exposed and nestled in the forest.  They are fine.  They come home a bit muddier, a bit wetter, but still blushing with joy.  This is as it should be.  We should all be so trusting and open to change.

Yesterday, A Year Ago

Baby Sparrow is one. 

We celebrated a sweet birthday at home with the most delicious apple spice cake.  This picture makes me laugh because it looks as if our dog jane was invited to the table for cake.  Much as she wanted to have a piece, she was not allowed.  Only the crumbs that fall to the ground, and baby finger clean-up of course.

I can't believe that it's been a year since this one joined our family.  Babies grow so quickly.  I found him standing on the play table banging on the window the other day.  His face is covered in bruises as he is always bonking his head on things, when his big brother isn't "helping" him that is.

I also think back a year ago and am filled with gratitude to have birthed Sparrow in our home.  Sparrow was my vbac baby.  My first homebirth.  And while I know not everyone will understand, this is a very big deal for me and my family.  It was life changing in so many ways.  And Sparrow's birth taught me so many things.  I'm not sure I'm done with that lesson.  Little Sparrow is sleeping right now in our big bed with his brother, in the very same place he was born into this world.  I don't think I knew what was missing until I found it.

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween. 

Rooster wore ears - Donkey perhaps?  Sparrow also had felt ears sewn on a hat, adorable little creature he was, perhaps a bunny or baby donkey?  Jbird also wanted ears of course, so I quickly knit on additional ears to his hat as we drove to the Halloween party.  Jbird was a One Man Band/Washboard Player.  He has seen these at farmers markets and came up with the idea all on his own.  Oh and I was an autumn witch. 

We went to a Halloween festival at the farm (where our outdoor waldorf school meets) and it was magical.  The children were taken on a tour through the farm with special characters dressed up, telling stories about nature and the forest and giving out small gifts.  Instead of traditional candy loot they were given crystals, honey, feathers, wool, pinecones and herbs.   I'm guessing that the one we'll hear most about over the next few days was a visit inside Bernhard's teepee.  Bernhard lives on the farm in a teepee and the children were invited in to sit next to the fire and there was a bit of a drum circle.  I could only peak inside, but it was fairly incredible from what I could see.  The children were entranced.   After the tour, we tromped back in the dark to the tables to have soup and potluck.

When we got home Jbird insisted we do a quick run of "trick or treating" on our street, which was sweet and short.  He still didn't quite get the concept of trick or treating, but he did remember the Sugar Fairy.  When I reminded him that we could leave the basket of candy out for the Sugar Fairy like last year, he was thrilled to take part in the exchange.   The next morning he found gnome dolls, toothbrush, and fairy dust which now has been tracked all over our floors.

Long Long Ago

I know.  Always so late.  Where have we been?

We visited grandparents in Northern Virginia and took the boys along to some old haunts.  Touring around in the DC burbs, mile after mile of development, such a deep reminder to be grateful for our new home and new life here in Portland.  It was lovely to see Rooster's family and old friends, and darling to watch Jbird and Sparrow play with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. 

We stopped by the site of our wedding (almost a decade ago!!) and walked around the grounds.  It seems like only yesterday I walked over this bridge and took my place next to Rooster.  And yet, also, it seems so long ago, so many lives past.  Jbird talks about it as if he were there at the ceremony, that very day.  Of course he can't imagine a time before he existed.  Of course he was there with us. 

We returned home to Michaelmas festival and a friend visiting and only now am I beginning to feel at home and caught up.  Okay, maybe not caught up.  But refreshed and still gathering my will and strength to power through the dark season.  Oh, I so love fall and winter, that warmth and light from within.  Here's to the inner victory.

First Day

After a bit of wet feet, Jbird finished his first two days of preschool this week in smiles and fits of laughter.  We are pleased that it's gone so swimmingly, especially after many protests at mommies not staying at the school during day, and wanting to stay at home.  The first morning, I told Jbird that I would go on a walk in the forest next to the farm, that I would be there and that calmed him and allowed him to let go.  And in fact, I did stay for the first hour, hiking in the forest with a fellow mom/best friend and we could hear the children laughing, we were so close.  Of course, I didn't stay in the forest all day, but that was enough.  This photo was taken when I picked him up after lunch, walking up the long drive to our car.  It was magical and sweet to capture his smiling face.  Jbird is not that into reporting back about his day, so I don't know all the details, but I do know they picked apples, collected eggs, fed the chickens and goats, played in the forest, carved wood, made fairy houses, stories, song and much more.  It's not rainy or wet yet, but he came back dirty and that's a good sign!